Examination Paper Humour

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Examination Paper

The Pulse examination paper is given, rather unfairly, at the beginning of the course, and not at the end. The point of this is that the Pulse course opens many new questions - while not claiming to have all the answers. You may attend the course by subscribing to The Pulse newsletter (see end notes for details).

There are no marks - and the only prize is to have your mind opened to possible interpretations of Irish pre-history and early religion that you had not previously thought worth consideration.

Question 1. Newgrange, the celebrated passage mound, is now generally accepted to be aligned deliberately to the sunrise on the day of the winter solstice. The neighbouring passage mound, Knowth, has two passages. It is logical to assume that the Knowth passages are:

(a) also astronomically aligned?

(b) routes for funeral processions?

(c) crematoria?

(d) tombs of the high kings of Tara?

(e) interpretative centres?

(f) a short cut through the mound that was never completed?

(g) for storing lumps of butter?

Question 2: In the year 1999 the winter solstice fell upon 22nd December - a variation that is due to the leap year cycle. To celebrate the occasion RTE (Irish national television) staged a major millennium broadcast on:

(a) 22nd December?

(b) 21st December?

(c) April Fool's Day?

Question 3: There is a folk memory in County Meath that the morning star, as well as the sun, shines into the Newgrange chamber on certain occasions. To confirm this would you check with:

(a) the mound itself on the appropriate day?

(b) the visitor centre?

(c) County Meath folk?

(d) an archaeologist?

(e) RTE?

Question 4: " One of the great treasures of Irish national heritage is Queen Maeve's tomb, erected by the earliest Celtic inhabitants of County Sligo "

This statement is slightly misleading because Medbh's cairn on Knocknarea is so much older than:

(a) the system of local government 'counties'?

(b) the arrival of Celtic influence on the island?

(c) the Irish nation?

(d) all of these?

Question 5: 'Knocknarea' means:

(a) hill of the moon. (cnoc na ré)?

(b) hill of the high king of Connaught. (cnoc na rí)?

(c) stripey old hill (cnoc na riabh)?

Question 6: The summit of Knocknarea is:

(a) Míosachán Medbh - meaning 'Medbh's menstrual / lunar calendar'?

(b) Míosachán Medbh - meaning 'Medbh's monthly' (magazine)?

(c) Meascán Medbh - meaning 'Queen Maeve's lump' or 'mound'?

(d) Meascán Medbh - meaning 'Maeve's lump of butter'. (see Knowth - above)?

Question 7: 'Re' means 'moon' in both Irish and Phoenician. This proves :

(a) nothing?

(b) nothing at all?

Question 8: Passage mounds were in fact built by :

(a) the Tuatha de Danann?

(b) the Danes?

(c) Danaan Greeks?

(d) people from the Danube?

(e) the people of the goddess Danu?

(f) all these names are the same word, anyway?

Question 9: The neolithic passage mound builders were so out of touch with reality that they worshipped:

(a) the sun moon and stars?

(b) the forces of nature?

(c) everything?

(d) Cernunnos?

(e) a totalitarian war god of the early Israelites?

(f) nothing at all?

(g) Santa Claus?

(h) the Celtic tiger?

Question 10: "The passage mound builders were farmers."- are you happy with this commonly repeated assertion? Would you be equally happy if the textbooks suggested that they were:

(a) shellfish gatherers?

(b) sea fishermen?

(c) deer hunters?

(d) hazelnut munchers?

(e) Breton navigators?

(f) Firbolg subcontractors?

(g) timber exporters?

(h) a cattle breeders' cooperative?

(i) ripping off pilgrims?

(j) tattoo artists?

(k) thatchers, weavers, and boat builders?

(I) a priestly class that never laid its hand to a plough?

Question 11: At Culleenamore, County Sligo, the archaeologists have identified a midden of discarded oyster and mussel shells 20 metres wide. This proves that the neolithic inhabitants :

(a) were shellfish gatherers?

(b) were unable to mount a protest against a superdump?

(c) were 'farmers'?

(d) always came back home for supper, the takeaway being a later development?

Question12: The great mound at Knowth is completely surrounded by a kerb of 127 boulders. This is:

(a) exactly the number of (sidereal) full moons in half of the 19 year metonic cycle?

(b) to stop the cairn slipping into the archaeological digs all round it?

(c) because Meath County Council wants to discourage certain people from parking their caravans on the verges?

Question 13: Much about the passage mound builders remains a mystery to us.

This may be because:

(a) we are so far removed from their backward and primitive mindset?

(b) they are so far removed from our backward and primitive mindset?

Gillies Macbain is a philosopher and organic farmer, although like the passage mound builders he could be described in many other ways.

The Pulse is availiable on subscription from Crannagh Castle, Templemore, Co. Tipperary. E-mail: crannagh@eircom.net

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Humour	Previous - Next Contents
	Examination Paper
	The Pulse examination paper is given, rather unfairly, at the beginning of the course, and not at the end. The point of this is that the Pulse course opens many new questions - while not claiming to have all the answers. You may attend the course by subscribing to The Pulse newsletter (see end notes for details). There are no marks - and the only prize is to have your mind opened to possible interpretations of Irish pre-history and early religion that you had not previously thought worth consideration.