Bulges and lumps Bulges and lumps and hideous bumps I've tried to deceive but now can't believe That everything's shrunk in my wardrobe My rose coloured glass hid the size of my arse I'm popping my buttons and straining my bras Yet all I could notice while this fat took its hold Was how big hearty dinners kept out the cold How evil I am to eat when I'm hungry How evil I am to eat! Sue Barnes

The Typist Further to my letter You don't ring me Dated third of May last Why don't we date? I wish to confirm Where do I stand? I do not intend What do you want? To continue in Should we go on? This partnership Is it over? Yours sincerely Is it goodbye? Etc. My love Sue Barnes

Career Mum Would Joan of Arc be a post office clerk In nineteen ninety four? And Lady Godiver, if we could revive her Would she mop the kitchen floor? These heros of history make survival a mystery Such women we shouldn't ignore. So well in my thirties with hand cream and nappies I went down on my knees, (despite the dog's fleas) For a Wonderbra and my very own car And a job that would take me far. Now I'm totally weary, yet it seemed fine in theory To split myself in two as you do! But I feel like a martyr, this larks' a nonstarter Yes I blame Badacea and Germaine Greer For this deep rooted need to have a career! Sue Barnes

Wardrobe Stereotyped, The lady-like wife That unwritten law Of domestic life I want to dust in the nude And cook wearing leather I want to be very crude With one pink feather I want to pant down the 'phone As you smile at your boss I want to scream loud and moan Bite, scratch, claw and toss I want to know there's still passion For this lady-like wife Not contentment but hot fire In this domestic life I love you my darling Much more than the cat Climb up on the wardrobe We haven't tried that! Sue Barnes

Womb News Menopause Mary was very hairy Pamela Pill was ill P.M.T. Judy was extremely moody Sharon and Karen were barren Primitive pills and crappy potions And evil smelling vaginal lotions Researched by men Absorbed by women As long as it's good for sperm to swim in There's something wrong With the womb at large The wrong bloody people Are in charge Sue Barnes

The Spirit of the Forest I am one spirit of all the trees I have whispered your name Down the leaves, down the leaves, And my voice is not hushed In the song of a bird, Only those who believe, Only those who have heard. And I'm in the bluebells, and they are in me, In the bark and branches The sap and the seed, And I am in you, and you are in me, Only those who believe, Only those who can see, And I'm in the woodbine, The rose and the thorn, In the wind and the sun, In the blizzard and storm, I am the silence, I am the green, Come, come and hear Your name on the breeze. Breege Duffy